Daily we read about yet another person who has been accused of sexual misconduct. And yet, except in the more obvious cases, people are unsure of where offensive or inappropriate behavior ends and sexual misconduct begins. We’re operating in a maze. It’s time for some clarity and direction. Aristotle distinguished between mistakes and wickedness. So can we. Here’s a start — this time focusing on male to female offense and misconduct.
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Spectrum of Sexual Misconduct at Work (SSMW) – Kathleen Kelley Reardon, Ph.D. (VERSION ONE – See latest version – 3- above)
Decisions about which category a behavior falls into depend on the situation, tone of delivery and nonverbal behaviors. This is not a set of cut-and-dried categories. It’s a first-pass blueprint for organizations – a way to start talking about what is and isn’t sexual misconduct. Additional examples can be added, some moved. The point is to get this conversation underway.
Generally Non-offensive:
Common off-the-cuff compliments on such things as hair style and dress. “You look nice today;” “I like your haircut,”
“That’s a nice outfit;” “That’s a good color on you.”
Awkward/Mildly Offensive:
Comments on gender differences such as: “You would say that as a woman,” “I suppose it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind;” “We can’t speak frankly around you women anymore.”
Offensive (Not necessarily or overtly intentional)
Holding a woman’s arm while talking
Uninvited hugs
Patronizing/dismissive/exclusionary behavior toward women
Sharing jokes about female blondes, brunettes, red-heads, etc.
Implying or stating women are distracted by family
Seriously Offensive (Intentional lowering of women’s value)
Denigrating comments about women in general
Jokes about a woman’s limited intellect or skills due to her gender
Words like “ice queen” or “female mafia” when referring to women
Comments about about physical attributes used to insult or demean a woman
Evident Sexual Misconduct
Looking a woman up and down in a sexually suggestive manner
Grabbing, rude patting and unwelcome holding
Unwelcome, unexpected kissing
Ignoring a woman’s expressed disinterest in a personal/intimate relationship and continuing to hassle her
Making or telling crude jokes that demean women
Describing women with such terms as “slut” or “frigid”
Trying to demean a woman by implying/claiming she uses her gender to advance career goals
Egregious Sexual Misconduct
Physical sexual behavior while a woman is present
Pressing against a woman suggestively
Threatening/implying career damage to a woman who refuses to engage in sex or sexual behavior
Forcing or coercing a woman to have sex
UPDATE: The New York Times article “How a Culture of Harassment Persisted on Ford’s Factory Floors” by Susan Chira and Catrin Einhorn (Dec. 19, 2017) provides examples of what blue-collar women have endured for years. The term “snitch-bitch” was used to describe a woman who complained about sexual misconduct. Others were hounded, prevented from doing their jobs, and accused of “raping the company.” One woman was referred to as “peanut butter legs.” When she asked why, she was told, “Not only is it the color of your legs, but it’s the kind of legs you like to spread.”
Where do such examples and others in the article fit in the SSMW? That’s what Ford and all companies need to ask — about egregious ones and lesser offenses. In time, people will get it. They’ll see that certain ways of talking to and acting around women are a bridge too far. They’ll know when they’re in a danger zone and when they’re over the line. It doesn’t take a genius to know what’s rather rude and what’s clearly crude. Both are bad, but the latter is worse.
The more examples companies place in the SSMW, the clearer misconduct will become. As the Ford story indicates, however, this exercise is not a one-shot effort. It needs to happen over time and be revisited regularly. Otherwise, companies slip back into old ways. Women experience retaliation and the workplace becomes hostile again.
I really enjoyed your interview this morning on marketplace, read your memo on Harvard Review and was intrigued by the SSMW. I take umbrage with the fact that you have relegated a non-offensive compliment to a co-worker as being an example of sexual misconduct. This conversation will never receive any leverage if we consider small talk as something other than what it was meant to be. If you would have implied that by making those non-offensive statements constantly with a whistle or a howl then I can see these statements being placed on the spectrum. You should work on the spectrum of what types of men and women are most likely to fall into a role in these types of situations.
I want to applaud Kathleen Reardon’s efforts in developing a workable spectrum of sexual misconduct. Adding examples into the SSMW site provides a needed benchmarking to an area that, right now, is among the most volatile and controversial in our daily environments.
There will always be controversy about the differences between behavior and intention. What’s most important is the way that behavior is perceived (and received) by the recipient. Using Dr. Reardon’s spectrum may help all of us develop a means of discussing that behavior and developing some common levels of understanding upon which we can build.
I get concerned in the present climate about people’s perceptions, especially with the rise of the phenomenon known as “microaggressions”. In an effort to categorize and root out unwanted behavior, my fear is that we can go too far unless some guidelines are put in front of us to help our understanding. As an example, I have heard some students confront a person who has said “God Bless You” when someone had sneezed, deeming that phrase to be a “microaggression”. Whether you (the reader) feel it is or not is only a part of a larger issue, namely that we have no place, no guideline, no standard from which we can have a legitimate discussion as to whether it is…or not. We are faced with a condition that, at its edges, defines a microagression as something we (personally) feel is a microaggression. It is reminiscent of the old Supreme Court definition of pornography… “I know it when I see it”.
Please do not misconstrue this comment as a plea for leniency for any action. It is, rather, a grateful acknowledgement that Dr. Reardon has taken us on a path where, we hope, some better understanding of the range of behaviors in this area. More to come and, we hope, more opportunity to build our definitional bases that can help all of us.
Patronizing/dismissive/exclusionary behavior toward women
In my first reading of this SSMW, my chatter with myself was something to this effect–This line needs a series of examples.
Often, in my experience, these words’ meanings are not the same to those who are feminists and those not. The “peanut butter legs” example is graphically precise.
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You state: “Pressing against a woman suggestively” is “egregious sexual misconduct.” What about the scenario below? It really happened to me.
I sit at a conference table, showing him a Twitter page I made for him on my laptop screen. He sits right beside me. Nobody else is at the table, though a clerical worker keyboards at her desk across the room. She’s within eyesight but has her back to us & can’t hear us. While I point at the screen he moves in closer so his entire thigh touches mine, & his forearm fully nestles up beside and touches my pointing arm. I turn to look at him, silent, & he holds eye contact with me for about 2 seconds longer-than- normal-for-professional. It feels intimate and seductive, and it startles me. He then quietly asks, “When am I going to see you again?” (I would leave town for good within a day or two.)
I was so startled I simply said, “I don’t know.” He then kissed me on the cheek, friendly style, and said something like he was going to miss me.
He was the Realtor my spouse and I had listed our house with. He wasn’t a co-worker, boss, or subordinate. Still, it felt both creepy and alluring. We’d been on friendly professional terms with each other, and I’ll admit I did find him attractive. But we were both married at the time. Afterward I grew to feel quite uncomfortable about the situation. I eventually (privately, but around other people) brought it up with him again about 6 months later (house still hadn’t sold) when I next saw him in person. His response?
“I don’t remember that.”
I said, “I don’t believe you.”
He said, “I know you don’t believe me.”
We quickly bid each other good-bye (professional handshake), and I never saw him again, not even at closing 6 months later. I intentionally arranged to sign off at the title co. by myself — after he, spouse & others left. I was that uncomfortable around him.
What the hell was going on there? Was he way off base, professionally, or was he just a guy who slipped up for a bit to indicate he was attracted to me? I liked him a lot at one time, and I wonder if he lied or truly didn’t remember when he said, “I don’t remember that.”
The incident vividly sticks with me. I considered reporting him to the state real estate licensing authority but decided to let it go because I’m not sure he’d intentionally done anything nefarious.
What’s your perspective, Ms. Reardon?
Thank you.
Jade: This kind of thing startles many women and wondering what just happened. The next thought is often, “What should I have said or done?” Take a look at the blog I wrote for Thrive Global, “Did You Really Say That?” (also on this blog site). It provides some things to say to gender-based offensive comments and actions. In this case, you confronted him even if not right at the moment. That was good. Sometimes it takes a while to digest what just happened, especially in cases like this one. I sense you’re ready now to handle something like this should it happen in the future. A strong, “Move away!” should work. It’s good to have a repertoire of responses that work for you. You shared some doubt about whether he’d just slipped up. Saying something direct allows you to find out. He was way off base professionally. So don’t doubt yourself. K
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