This is the season for resolutions. With regard to communication at work, with friends, and at home here are a few that will make an immediate difference:
(1) Recognize the patterns you slip into with others. Consider how you contribute to dysfunctional ones and start making some changes. For example, are you quick to judgment? Do you do more telling than asking? Are you unable to debate an issue without letting things get personal? Can you recognize choice points (your turn to alter the direction or maintain it) in conversation when what you say or do can change the direction and outcome (Click on “categories” in the right column of this page and then on “choice points”). Start tweaking and see how much power you gain over how well your conversations and relationships go.
(2) Develop a repertoire of comebacks. Be ready next time you are cornered, insulted, embarrassed, teased, or in some way put on the spot. You might listen to this interview with Faith Middleton for some suggestions: Comebacks at Work interview
(3) Become a student of politics. Assess whether you work in an environment that is minimally, moderately, highly or pathologically political. Then decide whether you’re a political purist, team player, street fighter or maneuverer and how well that predominant style fits where you work or live. Do you need to change somewhat? A purist believes that people are rewarded for what they accomplish no matter the political climate. Team Players believe you get ahead by working well with others and engaging in politics that advance the needs of the group. Street fighters are individualists who believe that the best way to get ahead is through the use of subliminal tactics. They thrive on the cut-and -thrust of business. Maneuverers believe in getting ahead by playing political games that are much more self-serving than those used by street fighters. To function effectively in a highly political arena, you need to at least be able to deal with street fighters. That doesn’t mean becoming one, but rather stretching your style to the extent consistent with your moral compass to deal with people who fight their corner. While it might be better to leave a job rather than have to become what you aren’t, sometimes survival at work requires at least knowing what street fighters and maneuverers will do so you’re not surprised and are prepared.
(4) Learn more about how to reframe, redirect, rephrase and request (to name a few ways to alter how an interaction is going). Reframing is a very important communication skill. If someone says, “You’re very stubborn,” reframing would involve saying something like, “I am very persistent when something is this important” or “Somebody needs to insist that we stick with the plan.” Rather than become angered by the word “stubborn,” remember that it’s just a word said by someone perhaps without much thought. Reframe stubbornness to something more positive such as persistence, tenacity, determination, or commitment. This is a valuable skill.
