Today on Huffington Post you’ll find my blog, “In Praise of Helicopter Parents.” It’s a look at what taking that label too seriously can mean to young college students and their families. Like the term “soccer mom” that took on a host of negative connotations decades after its first appearance, “helicopter parents” is yet another term that has well-meaning parents worried about expressing interest in their young adult child’s education.
Writing about women, I’ve often mentioned that we all get labeled. “Queen bee,” “loose canon,” “ice queen,” and that “B” word are a few that many women fear. If such labels are allowed to stick, they can be detrimental to careers. Very similar things can happen to men, of course. The key in all cases is to know how to respond to such labels — to reframe how you’re being seen — to develop a repertoire of comebacks. Saying something like, “Somebody had to speak their mind to save this project,” can do this.
I took on “helicopter parents” because it has become one of those labels that remains unchallenged. I also learned from experience that worrying about whether you might be seen as one is not helpful to a college student. Sure, parents can overdo it when it comes to checking in on their sons and daughters at college. But most don’t. Below are some questions to ask about your son or daughter’s future or current college:
What percentage of undergraduates complete in 4 years? If it’s low, what reasons do they give? What actions have they taken?
What system do they have for early intervention should grades fall?
When you call, are they helpful? Are you directed to a person who is dedicated to providing such assistance?
Do they take initiative when a student falls behind and follow through?
Do they make you feel like part of a team or as if you’re prying into your child’s life?
Do they offer to work with you and your son or daughter and is someone highly capable and fully apprised of requirements overseeing his/her progress each term?
Have they expressed a desire for you, your child and the college to work like a team?
If your child has a learning disability, how effective is the learning support program on campus? What data have they collected? What improvements have they made? What percentage of students in their learning support program graduate and how many years does it usually take?
It can cost several thousands of dollars per course if your student is short of credits after four years. Extra time may be necessary and the best route, but it shouldn’t have to be a surprise.
