Did Joe Biden Do Something Wrong? And What Have We Learned?

Neither of the women who have said that former Vice President Joseph Biden was essentially too familiar with them some time ago, in one case kissing the back the head and the other holding her face and rubbing noses, appears to consider him a person oblivious to the concerns of women. In his own words, Biden said quite the opposite:

In my many years on the campaign trail and in public life, I have offered countless handshakes, hugs, expressions of affection, support and comfort. And not once – never – did I believe I acted inappropriately,

He added,

But we have arrived at an important time when women feel they can and should relate their experiences, and men should pay attention. And I will.

I advised Joe Biden through two surrogates prior to his vice-presidential debate with former Governor Sarah Palin, particularly about behaviors that might be misconstrued as too chivalrous, familiar or even superior. For example, I suggested that he not place a hand on her back to guide her to the podium. Men, particularly of a certain age, often guide women in this way.  They were socialized to do so.  It’s a habit.  Now days, it’s better to avoid it altogether.  But is it sexual misconduct?

Using the Spectrum of Sexual Misconduct for Women (SSMW) that I developed to distinguish among types of gender offense (see in blog below), let’s look at Biden’s kiss on the back of former Nevada Assemblywoman Lucy Flores’ head five years ago. I’m inclined to place it in the “generally not offensive” category given how much hugging and effusive behavior goes on at political gatherings. At worst, in the MeToo era, for some it might fall into the “awkward/mildly offensive” category.

There appears to have been no intent on Biden’s part to convey anything other than enthusiasm and warmth. But as some have rightly pointed out, intention is not the only criteria when determining if certain behaviors toward women are inappropriate. Also, Biden is running for the U.S. presidency. The bar should be high.

In SSMW low-level offense cases, however, it’s important that women learn how to handle such issues in private or at least with as few people present as possible. This is especially the case for isolated events that can be nipped in the bud at work.

There are private ways to convey anger or chagrin about uncomfortable behavior – even years later. I’ve described many of these in Comebacks at Work and particularly for women in a Thrive Global article and another for The Harvard Business Review online. A simple, “Don’t do that anymore” or “I found that very uncomfortable” often suffices. If the situation occurred some time ago, comments like these might suffice: “I realized later that you shouldn’t have done that” or “I’ve never forgotten when you did that. It made me uncomfortable.”

The Spectrum of Sexual Misconduct is a flexible taxonomy. It has to be. There are relational and situational differences to consider. All the more reason why we need guidelines regarding degrees of gender related offenses. Without them serious forms of sexual misconduct can be treated as mistakes or having a sense of humor, while low-level offenses will ruin the careers and reputations of good, well-meaning people.